Tuesday, 26 March 2013


Life throws up many challenges some minor, maybe all they just seem major. Things that hurt and things that cause a new kind of resilience. I have been thinking a lot about my mother who found it so hard to grow old, now I hear myself saying the things she said. Her little sayings like when ever she looked into the mirror she would groan, "I look as old as God!" Now I say it too because it's true. The face that looks back at me is not the face I remember. Oh it's OK I scrub up well and often don't look old and some would say don't look my age. However first thing in the morning I feel a hundred, stiff body and grey moggy skin, grey hair that looks even greyer at 7am, then I drag myself to the bathroom and emerge reasonably refreshed.  Enough for the dog to do her little dance around as my many layers of clothing go on one by one until with lead in hand and ridiculous bob hat pulled well down, we two venture out in all weathers. Interestingly, if and when I offer the back door open for her to venture outside without me she gives me that pathetic look of, 'er! excuse me, do you think I want to go out in this weather?'  When I am going that is different, she runs around watching and staying close just in case I am going without her. She is older than me in doggy years.
I could do with some of her energy.
Little things bother me nowadays, people who do dirty tricks, people who say one thing and mean another, like I said my mother and the way she led her life troubles me. Recently I went to my niece's wedding, what a beautiful bride and such a happy event but the family dynamics where clear. Both her parents living seperate lives and hundreds of miles apart both physically and emotionally. Father of the bride at one side of the wedding party and mother at the other, no top table and lots and lots of friends acting like family.
A happy day and yet I was witness to lots of hidden sadness but life moves on.

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