I have just come out of hospital and feel pretty bad, emotionally and physically. My chest hurts and aches All my physical needs were met but sadly, emotionally I am shocked by the operation and by feelings of abandonment.
Once upon a time a patient stayed in hospital to get the care and nurturing they needed after the physical shock of surgery.Although the food maybe rubbish it is made for you, drinks are sorted, you should get attention if you feel scared or upset by what has happened etc.
I do not have much to show for that side of things but because of the nature of the surgery, my heart has been shaken about and I have been told to rest for 6-8 weeks and not drive for a week so that must mean they have done something to my heart that is a shocking, both physically and emotionally. Indeed I do know that they have poked and prodded the interior of my heart and burnt off various bits of arteries and viens. I was informed that the heart would be very sore and irritable for several weeks and they will not know the outcome until about 12 weeks. Which implies something has happened to shock my system.
I lay on that op table for 2 hours, semi conscious whilst they did work on my heart, apparently I had to be conscious but God knows why. I could feel everything happening and yet I was so tired but couldn't sleep or relax. It seems I could have had more sedation but didn't ask. Da! silly ol' me whilst imobolised and in a very vulnerable and fragile position I was supposed to ask for more sedation, it seems moaning in pain wasn't enough, Oh dear, so sorry.
Now in truth I have to say that the nursing staff were sweet and did their best generally and yet I don't feel that I should have needed to ask, especially confined tas I was to the table. I was told after the op to stay flat on my back and not move my legs for a further 4 hours. I felt as if I was going insane with the sheer agony of agitation in my body and I needed to be made comfortable, I needed someone to help me out of my blood stained theatre gown and theatre blanket which was making me sweat. Someone did made me some toast and a cup of tea in a beaker which I will be eternally grateful for. Someone gave me two paracetamol, again, gratitute. Why though wasn't I given enough sedation which would I think have helped me on my return to the ward, maybe I should have slept afterwards but I didn't. In fact I never slept through the night either and didn't sleep properly until getting into my own bed last night.
Why oh why is it so difficult to anticipate someone needs at their most vulnerable?
Is this why we have become such an uncaring society because we expect each other to fend until someone has to beg for love and nurturing? Sometimes we just shouldn't have to ask. We should just be willing to care and it be second nature.